We Are Under Attack.

Someone is bombing the neighborhood. I think it’s the squirrels.  I can’t quite pinpoint where it’s coming from, but the sounds of their rockets are ricocheting everywhere. I keep trying to sound the alarm, but Mommy and Daddy don’t seem to care. AT ALL.  They keep telling me to calm down. Calm down?? There are things being shot at us!!!!! Flashing lights everywhere!!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT REACTING? Even the other dog is worried!

Maybe I’ve been wrong all this time. Maybe Mommy and Daddy are in on the whole thing with the squirrels. That is the only explanation for their state of serenity, & why they only seem to be irritated at me for yelling for reinforcements, and not concerned about the warfare occurring on our doorstep.  They-


Something just exploded in the sky right above our house. Holy hell. Shit’s gettin real.

That’s it. I’m collecting my things. Once Mommy and Daddy (if that is even their real names) snap out of their hypnosis-the only explanation for their idiotic behavior- we are going to have to make a run for it. Abandoning our post is not ideal, but it appears that we have no other choice. I cannot defend the entire fortress single-handedly, and without a reliable partner, we need to relocate to a more condensed space. I’ll report back as soon as I know more.

Be safe comrades. Fight The Man.

-Grumpy Dachshund


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